Outraged

i'm sure everyone has noticed all the comotion around the pro-ana movement from the media and just about everyone who is anyone who isnt anorexic.

I hate how fucking i go to google and type in pro-ana and guess what i get....

no not pro-ana sites but sites talking about how horrible the movement is i couldnt find more than 3 good sites in the like 20 pages i went through

its rediculous the media is saying how abundent these pro-ana sites are and yet i can find 3 out of like 200

this shit is retarted

pro-ana isnt hurting anyone the people who choose to go to these sites only have themselves to blame

yes they give you tips on how to starve but if you are determined enough to be thin you would have figured it out on your own anyway

i just dont get it

sorry for the rant i was just outraged and needed to vent

and btw if anyone knows of some good ana sites please share...

thanx <3

this is how i hope my summer will go at least while i am in summer school the rest might be a bit chaotic

and i will get to see my dad hopefully he will comment on how thin ive gotten

Wake Up-6:30

Get Ready-6:40-7:10

Leave House-7:15

Get To Summer School-7:25

Summer School-7:30-12:30

Drive To Pool-12:45-1:00

Swim In Pool: 1:00-2:00

Do Whatever with Jordan<3-2:30-8:00

Go To Sleep-when i get tired

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(What I Hope To Happen)

B-yogurt-100cal

S-rice cake-50cal

L-salad-15cal
    slice of meat-70-100cal
    sugar free jello-10cal

S-apple/banana-75-100cal

D-salad-15cal
    slice of meat-70-100cal
    sugar free jello-10cal

W-at least 4 16.9oz bottles

E-Pool time & walking with my baby

V-One a day

(Even If It Doesnt Work Out The Way I Planned I Vow Not To Drink Regular Soda Or Anything With Calories Except Maybe Some Milk)

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I am hopefully getting my license the 19th of june

i have an appointment

now its up to me to not fail

but i might

that would suck

and totally ruin my plan for this summer

<3

its only like a year and 5 months away but i am so anxious

and scared at the same time

i cant wait for that freedom

i dont know why i think things will be so different

because they probably wont be

i wont be diffrent

just my surroundings

i want to lose weight so badly but i cant bring my self to do anything lately

nothing all i do is eat and eat and eat

and i dont do my hw

i just cheat all the time

and i cant get good grades anymore

atleast when i am not eating and i am weak i feel like i have a good reason to be doing badly in school

but im not restricting and i dont feel weak

so why am i doing so badly

why do i continue to let my self fail

im failing at everything

life

everything

and yet i do

nothing

to change that

i do enough to get by with out getting in trouble

but i have to do better

i want to be able to do

well

in college

and i dont think i can do that if i cant do well in high school

i cant wait to be 18 October 1

thats less than 6 months away

i dont know exactly how long it is because im too lazy to evdn figure that out

but i know its less than 6 months because my half b-day was april fools

i got an iPod case

which i adore

im depressed but i wont admit it

thats why im doing so badly but that shouldnt be an excuse

depression

this isnt even the worst i could get

i have been much worse and i still managed to do well

i dont know whats wrong

im so tired all the time

and the only thing that makes me feel good anymore

is when i go to chemistry class

and i do well

i totally get that class

it makes me feel so smart

because i know many people who dont get it and

I DO!?

i dont mean to brag

its just when thats the only thing that makes you feel like your not a failure

its something you want to focus on

math makes me feel so dumb lately

i used to be good at math

i havnt been lately

hes going to fast

at least everyone else is doing worse than me

i just dont get it

i always tell my self oh your not going to eat today

and what do i do i always eat

always

there hasnt been a day that i havnt eaten in who knows how long

it was so long ago i dont even have a faint memory of the feeling

all i feel now is full

and bloated and disgusting

my weight hasnt gone up too much im 104ish but its more than i would like to be

i would be ok with like 101 100ish

that only like 3 pounds

and i cant even lose that much

that used to be so easy for me

and the worst thing of all is

i found stretch marks

gross

that is so emberrasing to say

at least they arent in a visible place

but they still make me feel so gross

so so gross

hopefully things wil change with summer

probably not i find it harder to restrict during summer

during times when i have no school

less structure

less control

thats sad that i rely on school to be my control

i know im

pathatic

so what

http://theskinnywebsite.com/

Easter Basket

Easter Cakes ----- 320 cal

Reese's Pieces ----- 600 cal

Skittles ----- 250 cal

Gum ----- 75 cal

Rolo ----- 256 cal

Caramels ----- 288 cal

M&M's ----- 283 cal

Starburst ----- 460 cal

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2532 cal